- What It's Like To Date An Older Man At 17, Then Marry Him
- What to Do If Your Teen Is Dating an Older Guy
- What It's Like To Date An Older Man At 17, Then Marry Him | HuffPost
- Popular Information
To a young girl, dating an older guy can raise her status among friends, says Steven Kairys, MD, chair of pediatrics at Jersey Shore University Medical Center and an expert on adolescent relationships. At this age, teens are very impressionable and prone to peer pressure. Having sex with an older partner at a young age is also linked to reduced contraceptive use, and higher risk of both teen pregnancy and acquiring a sexually transmitted disease STD. One misconception is that most of these relationships involve forced sexual experiences, Scott says.
Scott is quick to point out that even if both partners believe the contact was voluntary, state statutory rape laws are based on the age of the parties involved. According to NJ law, the age of legal consent is 16 compared to the national age of consent, which is Teen boys and girls feel pressure to have sex for different reasons, but engaging in sexual activity is a means of validation for both. Teenagers are known for being impulsive and not always thinking things through.
Kairys suggests parents avoid direct confrontation. Instead, he recommends asking teens about their observations and opinions. When Scott studied communication among parents and adolescents, she observed an interesting pattern: Specific conversations can be uncomfortable, but they help convey a clearer message. My mother disowned me and we didn't speak for a year.
My relationship with my wife lasted 16 years and produced 3 lovely children. So I could never say 'it was a mistake'. I was reckless and foolish and as an adult 20 years later I can easily recognize this. However, as MY children reach their teenage years I of course see everything from the perspective as a parent.
I think the most important thing to do is not push your daughter away with any shouting matches or 'you are doing the wrong thing' this is what my mother did and although she was doing her best in a difficult situation - the shouting and threats simply pushed me away further. The new found love that your daughter has found is fantastically powerful and she is overwhelmed with feelings in so much that nothing else truly matters. It's like a drug and despite parents, friends, or even common sense whispering behind the scenes 'don't do this'.
She continues because the feelings she has are too strong. You have every right to express your concerns. But I would be careful in how you deliver your feelings. Recognize the powerful grip the 25 yr old has and that is normal. She is 'in lust mode' and everything is rosy.
I would try and create a containment bubble around a situation you have limited control over but in reality you do have a way to contain the situation. Outline your concerns but let your daughter know you love and support her and that it is only natural for you to be worried. Reinforce her education about the risks of getting pregnant and maybe set some soft rules like 'education comes first' Maybe she is in sixth form. It could be that the relationship is successful but if something goes wrong be sure she knows you are there for her if things collapse. I get myself sick with worry in regards to my kids.
What It's Like To Date An Older Man At 17, Then Marry Him
But at the end of the day, I know at least they are healthy and safe. I don't know what to do, do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? It's natural to be concerned. You might also be concerned if he were 17, given that what you are afraid of her getting hurt, pregnant, or growing up too quickly, or him being with her just for one reason can easily happen with a 17 year old boyfriend too.
What to Do If Your Teen Is Dating an Older Guy
While such concerns are natural, and perfectly understandable, they are also irrational. It's not likely that anything worse will happen to her with this "sensible" 25 year old, than what would happen with a random 17 year old. Your daughter is an adult now, in all but the legal sense, so treat her like an adult. What you can do, depending on your relationship to her, is to share your concerns, while acknowledging that they are irrational. That way you don't force her to change her life, yet still make her aware of the concerns. You are worried about your daughter missing opportunities travelling, studies.
I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still All three in English, which she started learning after marriage. On top of the above three points, she still finds time to volunteer, and to be the favourite mom among our kids' friends.
What It's Like To Date An Older Man At 17, Then Marry Him | HuffPost
All in all, most likely not what my father in law had in mind when she was little, but an exciting life. However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men. Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much. It could also be a lot worse.
You also say 'going out' - i. Your daughter is, as you point out, an adult with all that entails, including the freedom to make her own mistakes. A theoretical 17 year old man could equally, if not more so, be with her for only one reason. Equally, becoming pregnant and having to postpone things such as career isn't age relevant. If the relationship develops, you could express your concerns, though not in a judgemental way - otherwise you could risk damaging your relationship with your daughter and pushing them together.
I don't know if it helps, but when I met my girlfriend she was 16 and I was 23, one year later we came together. At that age I was working but lived with my mother. She went to high school and lived with her parents. Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love. Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not. She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child".
- matchmaking festival ireland 2015.
- Get to know him as a friend;
- dating very tall woman!
- age chart for dating;
I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again. We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life. My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home. And many of these are not age-related.
Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship. The same about getting pregnant. And what can she miss? I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing. I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful. In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated. In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation.
As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time. Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms. If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind. Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education.
Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times. If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen. First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from. You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common? What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on?
Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term? Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions. Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better.
That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share.
But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right? I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly.
Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you. In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself.